(OPENING THEME PLAYING)
(BABY COOING)
What are you looking at,
old man?
Ha-ha. He's so old.
BOY: (SCREAMING) Help me!
(LAUGHING)
ROBIN: Mad Mod!
Stealing the most precious
thing in this world, youth.
How could you?
Yeah, you made 'em so wrinkly!
BEAST BOY: So spotty!
-(SHIVERS) So hunched.
-(GROANS)
So cute.
(LAUGHS) Oh, look at these
little scamps.
Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!
(CLEARS THROAT) Are you done?
Mwah!
I love old people.
Titans, go!
(ALL SCREAMING)
-(STARFIRE GASPS)
-Raven!
Grab that cane before he can
turn us into old people!
Oops.
ALL: No!
(FEIGNING OUTRAGE)
No, don't do it.
Don't turn them into
the cutest thing ever.
(ALL GROANING)
-(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
-(BEAST BOY GROANS)
We have to track down
Mod before we're stuck
as old people forever.
-Huh?
-What?
-Huh?
-What?
-Say again?
-What?
-Huh?
-What?
Say again?
-Huh?
-What?
-Huh?
-What?
-Huh?
You're gonna have to speak up.
-I am having trouble hearing!
-Huh?
(GASPS) This is so precious.
Titans... (GROANS)
We have to get our youth back.
Yes, my face is drooping
and sagging.
No, no, no. You don't want
to be young again.
That's easy for you to say,
hot stuff.
You're still young
and beautiful.
Okay, dial it back, grandpa.
Being old is great.
Just look at Robin's
gray streaks.
Ooh. I do look distinguished.
-(CYBORG GROANING)
-Cyborg, check
your wallet out.
(GASPS)
CYBORG: Are these pictures
of my grandbabies?
One of the perks
of getting older.
Where did the grandbabies
come from?
-Nobody knows.
-(OMINOUS CHORD PLAYING)
And the best part is,
with age, comes wisdom.
(GASPS)
Wisdom!
Maybe we should give
being old a try.
That's the spirit.
Now, everyone gather around.
Oh, I love you,
my little prunes.
-Mwah!
-Ooh.
Mwah!
This is a dream come true.
Did... Did I ever tell you how
I got this watch?
I was stationed in France.
So he says to me,
"That ain't your watch."
So, I says... I says to him,
"I found it,
so it makes it my watch."
-(KIDS LAUGHING)
-(CYBORG LAUGHING)
Come here, little scamp.
Denitrious,
get away from there.
He ended up in prison for life
and I'm still wearing
the watch. (LAUGHS)
(SIGHS)
Charming stories, slow dances,
grandbabies.
Ah, you salty codgers.
(CYBORG SNORING)
The Tower's never
been this quiet.
Hey, where's Beast Boy?
He's in the bowl.
Think you could tell me
that watch story again?
Beast Boy?
Is he sleeping?
No, hon, he passed. (SNORING)
He's dead?
Mmm-mmm.
Passed. (SNORES)
How? I don't understand.
It was just his time, dear.
That really puts things
in perspective.
I'm going to make the most out
of every precious moment
I have left with you guys.
Oh, that's nice, dear.
RAVEN: Old people are
like shooting stars.
They shine bright, but are
gone in an instant. (SIGHS)
Rest in peace,
you salty codgers.
The Tower's never
been this quiet.
I miss Grandpa.
I have to get them back!
And there's only one way!
To resurrect the Titans,
you will have to journey
into the underworld,
cross the Black River
and finally look into
the eyes of Death himself.
BOY: I have to?
I don't want to look into
the eyes of Death.
Sorry, I'm used to telling
these stories to other people.
This time, it's my job.
(BABY COOING)
The price of passage be
two dead man's coins.
-Have ye the coins?
-(BIRD SQUAWKS)
Dead man's coins.
Uh, no.
Then ye shall rot on
the black shores of
the river for eternity!
And your bones will be...
Wait! Where are ya going?
I don't need a ride,
but thanks.
Okay, okay. (CLEARS THROAT)
One dead man's coin,
but I won't go any lower.
-RAVEN: I'm good.
-Oh.
BIRD: (SQUAWKS)
Dead man's coins!
(GHOSTLY VOICES
WARBLING IN DISTANCE)
(MAN SCREAMING)
(LAUGHING) Raven!
I've been expecting you.
Come give your
Uncle Death a hug.
Then you know what
I'm here for.
'Course I do! Souls!
Shortening the lives of
your friends for your own
selfish desires.
So very evil, Raven. Ha!
I love it.
They were so cute
as old people.
I know, I know!
Don't you just love
the big ears?
And their noses.
They never stop growing.
Did you know that?
I did indeed.
(COUGHS)
But, uh,
we're getting off track.
You see, Raven,
you had your fun
with them old folks.
But they're mine now.
♪ Once they took
their last breath
♪ I'm a soul collector, baby
♪ I'm Death!
♪ They're all mine
♪ Yeah, last breath!
♪ I'm a soul collector, baby
♪ I'm Death!
♪ So, come on
♪ Whoo!
(LAUGHS)
♪ Don't stop now!
♪ Come on! ♪
So, here's the deal.
You trade me
your soul for theirs.
ALL: Don't do it, Raven!
Okay.
Really? Oh.
Then it's a deal!
First, you give me
my friends back.
Ah, don't trust Death, do you?
Ah, I don't blame you.
Here they are.
And now, for your soul.
Yeah, about that.
Don't have one!
I'm half demon.
You tricked me!
And I don't feel bad
about it, either.
There's always a price when
you deal with Death.
Is that price free?
'Cause I just paid it.
See you, sucker!
Raven!
(ROBIN GROANING)
Guys, is that you?
(ALL GROANING)
BEAST BOY: Watch! Watch!
(GASPS) This must be the price
Death spoke of.
(ALL GROANING)
Now they're old and undead?
My two favorite things!
Oh. Mwah!
Mwah! Mwah!
Mwah!
Watch.
Temperature at 82 degrees.
Wind gusting
from the southwest
at 10 knots.
Clear skies.
The conditions
are perfect for a...
Beach day!
Sand castle!
Surfin'!
Water!
Seashells!
(ALL GASPING)
What?
Quarantine!
(ALARM BUZZING)
What did I do?
You yawned, girl!
Don't you know that yawns
are contagious?
I have never
heard that, no.
Everyone knows yawns
cause sleep. Except
for Starfire, I guess.
Anyway, it's okay.
I think we caught it in time.
That was close.
(ALL SCREAMING)
Ah!
It's...
It's not what you think.
Let's hit the beach,
come on.
I'm sorry, old friend.
It has to be this way.
-(ALARM BUZZING)
-No!
(SNORING)
I'll never forget you, buddy.
-(ALARM BUZZING)
-Oh, man! (SNORING)
Well, Raven, looks like
it's just you...
-(ALARM BUZZING)
-(GROANS)
These naps will not
be taken in vain.
(GRUNTING)
Must not yawn.
Must show off beach bod.
-(ALARM BUZZING)
-(SNORING)
(ALL GROANING)
(SIGHS)
-(ALARM BEEPS)
-Oh, no!
No, no, no, no, no.
We slept through the most
perfect beach day
we'll see for the next...
One, two, then carry the four,
add the leap year...
Twenty four years? (SIGHS)
I am sorry, fellow Titans.
I did not know
about the yawns.
It's all right.
No, friend Cyborg,
it is the all wrong.
This is not the first time
my ignorance of Earth culture
has ruined the merriment.
-(TRAP MUSIC PLAYING)
-This new stereo
is the bomb!
The bomb?
MAN:
♪ It's time to break dance
(LOUD SPLASH)
I will forever be
the celebration ruiner.
Star, we love you
just the way you are.
-Besides, the more you know,
the bigger bummer you are.
-Like Raven.
Whoa!
I'm not a bummer.
You're a total bummer,
Raven.
Look at this chart
and you'll see
there's a direct correlation
between knowledge
and being a bummer.
Here's Beast Boy
and Cyborg.
Together they know
virtually nothing
and everybody loves them.
-Thanks, man.
-Aw!
ROBIN: Here is me.
I don't know too much
or too little,
leaving people not feeling
very strongly about me
in one way or another.
Hmm.
And here's you, Raven.
You know a lot
and you bum everyone out.
I do not wish
to be the bummer.
(GROANS)
(STARFIRE SOBBING)
You okay, Star?
(CONTINUES SOBBING)
No, it has happened again.
-What?
-A misunderstanding.
Beast Boy asked me
to set him up
on the blind date.
My eyes! My eyes! (SCREAMING)
Why did you burn my eyes?
(SIZZLING) Ow!
(SOBBING)
BEAST BOY: Ah!
I am the sorry!
(SIGHS) And the hopeless.
(WHIMPERING)
Okay, wow.
Do you want me to teach
you some stuff?
(SNIFFLES) But will that
make me the bum?
No way! Knowledge
is power, girlfriend.
I'll give you a crash course
in all things Earth.
I would prefer a course
without the crashing.
Which brings me
to lesson one.
Common expressions.
You don't have
to take everything literally.
-(PIANO PLAYING)
-You see, Star,
it's all about adding
a little style into what
you're trying to say.
Here's how you do it.
♪ Don't say what you mean
♪ But mean what you say
♪ It sounds complicated
but it's easy in every way
♪ Don't say you're goin'
to sleep, nuh-uh
♪ Instead you're catching Z's
♪ Never say that things
were easy, no
♪ Just say
that they were a breeze
♪ Instead of saying
watch how you spend
♪ Say money
don't grow on trees
♪ You see you say
what you got
to say every day
♪ With style, that's the key
♪ Don't say what you mean
♪ But mean what you say
♪ It's not that complicated,
no
♪ It's easy in every way ♪
Uh-huh.
You got this.
-You got it?
-I believe I understand.
Your song was
so kitten, dude.
Kitten?
Yes, the kittens are good
and so your song was good.
Am I not meaning what I say?
Ugh. Clearly a song
is not gonna do it.
(SOBBING)
Oh, it is the okay.
My ignorance will
always hold me back.
Okay, okay.
Lesson number two.
Azarath Metrion Zinthos!
Wear this magic relic tonight
and in the morning
you'll know everything.
Oh, thank you, Raven.
So, I checked the weather
and today has all
of the perfect conditions
for a lake day!
Jet Skis!
Fishing!
Water!
Pollution!
Yeah, 46% of lakes
are too polluted
for recreational activities.
Ugh! Why are we talking
about numbers on lake day?
Because numbers reveal
undeniable facts, Beast Boy.
Like 1,2 trillion gallons
of sewage are dumped
into lakes each year.
Sewage? Ugh!
Make her stop, Robin.
These facts
are bumming me out.
What's gotten into you,
Starfire?
Knowledge, Robin,
that's what.
Raven, did you have
something to do with this?
I may have taught her
a few things.
I was just trying to help.
This is what I wanted,
Robin.
Now you won't have
to deal with me ruining
another occasion.
You just ruined lake day!
Knowledge is power,
Robin.
This will only
make her stronger.
Or a total bummer.
That book is so overrated.
I'll save you some time.
Everyone dies in the end.
BOYS: (SCREAMING) Bummer!
Meditation can cause
problems ranging from
muscle spasms
to hallucinations.
BOYS: (SCREAMING) Bummer!
You do know those toys
are for babies.
BOYS: (SCREAMING) Bummer!
Okay, you were right.
She is kind of a bummer now.
But I still say it was
an improvement.
You guys want to know
where hamburger meat
comes from?
(BOYS SCREAMING)
What happened to Starfire?
-Her brain is huge!
-That is just wrong!
Raven!
(SIGHS) Okay,
this is all my fault.
I used dark magic
to give Starfire
all human knowledge.
Apparently it's expanding
too rapidly.
If we don't go inside
and destroy it,
her head will explode.
Azarath Metrion Zinthos!
Oh, look at
all that knowledge.
It's unnatural
and it's growing
at an alarming rate.
Then let's nuke some neurons!
Fact attack! Fact attack!
It's not working.
They're growing back, dudes.
This is worse than I thought.
We're gonna have
to take it out at the source.
ROBIN: This must be it.
Indeed! I am the source.
I am knowledge,
facts and trivia!
So you're the one
who made her a bummer!
Yes, I am.
And when I'm finished,
she'll be...
(KEYS BEEPING)
One hundred percent bummer!
Not on my watch.
Titans, go!
Seventy five percent
of missiles never reach
their intended targets.
How did she know that?
Fire lasers!
Laser technology is
not advanced enough yet
to inflict any real damage.
She's using facts and figures
to deflect our attacks!
Allow me to teach you
another lesson.
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(GROANS) Her knowledge
is too powerful.
We don't stand a chance.
(LAUGHING)
This is like shooting fish
in a barrel.
The only way
to fight knowledge
is with ignorance.
RAVEN: But I do not see
the fish or the barrels
anywhere.
(GROANS)
It is an expression, fools!
I mean destroying you
will be a piece of cake!
I like the cake.
(ECHOING) May I have
the strawberry flavor?
(GROANING)
(GRUNTS)
I'm just trying
to put a little style
into what I say.
Defeating you
will be a breeze.
Breeze?
Do you need the coat?
(SCREAMING)
It's working.
She's weakened!
Fire away, Robin!
I've got one last
fact for you!
The Titans win
100% of the time!
Wait, is that true?
(SCREAMS)
How do you feel, Star?
I feel as if a thousand
glinkglats are dancing
on my glipnorp.
-She's back!
-Oh, yeah!
Yes!
I'm sorry, Star.
I shouldn't have used magic
to cure your ignorance.
I should have taken
the time to teach you
the old-fashioned way,
with books and calculators
and protractors
and more books...
BOYS: (SCREAMING) Bummer!